Stupid Emotions

so lately i have been really emotional. i don't know why, i just am. everything just seems to be hitting a little bit harder and the pain stays just a little bit longer. one thing that has been on my mind these past few days is how much i miss in Luke's life. there are a few other things that i have been struggling with but this is not the place for that. that is enough of a whine session for me. hopefully my next post will be a bit happier.

Direction

Birthdays are good. They are good because they tend to make you think about the past and the future. So needless to say that is what i have been doing today. But today i am not looking in the past. Today i am looking at the future. What do i want to be doing in the next year? What goals do i want to set for myself? I started thinking even more about this when i just got a talking to from my boss. He did yell at me for not "letting him know" i was taking vacation time ( i thought the had heard me talking about it and i gave him my time sheet a few days early) but then he talked to me about direction. He doesn't want me to be sitting in this chair all my life. He wants me to take control and not just sit here and wait for things to come to me. He said that i need to get involved in something, make something mine. He doesn't know how right he is. All through my past i have just let things come to me. I don't want any more of my life to be wasted. I have friends that are doing amazing things with their lifes. They are helping others and making wonderful ripples in the community. What am i doing? Fixing computer errors that are forgetten about until the next one. This isn't my passion. No matter how much i try to tell myself that this is my passion, it isn't. I don't know what my passion is yet but i need to figure it out. Maybe i will get lucky and it will just come to me but i don't think it will this time. I think i need to go and look for it myself, i need to go to it. Well...i am off to start looking.

Best Error Ever!

The workplace and you

This has been a heckeck morning to say the least. Right now we have a "consultant" in here trying to fix a few things so stuff will run faster. For the past two days he has screwed stuff up and we have been running a lot slower. So this morning he comes in, tries something and starts cussing up a storm. I have heard Sh## and F$*! more this morning than i usually do in an entire week. With that being said, i would now like to get onto the point of this post. Work influences you, even outside of work. For me, when i am around people that cuss more and think not quite appropriate things i start to do the same things. I used to have a really bad mouth so that is one thing i constantly struggle with. Every once in a while a word will slip out and other times ( when i am by myself ) i will say them on purpose.
I think this is kind of thing is common with society in general. We all do things we don't like but we figure if nobody else knows then we are off the hook. I mean really, who cares if i cuss in the car? Well i should. I should care. I should respect myself. And for the second time today i have lost my train of thought....stupid work.

Breakfast

I love going out and eating breakfast in the morning. There is something special about starting your day eating with a friend or two or however many. I have found that any place is good. I personally prefer places like Waffle House or Denny's but i am not to picky. Hmm...i can't remember where i was going with this...oh well. If anybody that reads this would like to go to breakfast, just let me know. I am not talking every day but maybe once a month or week or something other than never.


i wonder who is reading this...

I need to snap out of it

Why have i been in a bad mood these past couple of days? It is like the smallest things just tick me off.

on another note, here are some John Mayer lyrics:

I'm not alone
I wish I was
Cause then I'd know I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around
To love me like they do right now
They do right now...

Somethings Missing
Heavier Things

there are others i would post but i think i will keep those to myself :)