random thoughts from this crazy mind

one of my favorite things to do is drive fast through thick fog. for me there is this sense of thrill and adventure in it. i know it isn't that safe but it is a good way for me to relax. i can't think of anything else but the fog. while in the fog i forget about everthing else that is bothering. i forget about where i am going or where i have been. it is a time when nothing else matters.

have you ever done/felt something and thought, " hmm...i should not be doing/feeling this" and yet you continue doing/feeling what your shouldn't be doing/feeling? if you have your not alone.

i have also been thinking about the movie Love Actually...that's all.

my little rock star

last nigth was a great night. jac and i invited kristin and greg over to eat and hangout for a while. i tried to make some chocolate cheesccake squares. they were ok but not the best ever. i want to tweek the recipe a little. after they left i decided to flip on the tv and see what was on. to my suprise rock star was on. i love this show. i think one of the reasons i love that show is because i can sing along to a lot of the songs. so when magni sang Live's song I Alone, i busted it out for luke. he laughed so hard. he would giggle and laugh so much that his whole body shook. we kept this for about 10min ( even after the song was over ). it is nights like last night that really give you the energy to keep going.

* i tried adding links to the cheesecake and rock star...i hope this works*

good weekend

how is everyone doing ( sarah, where did you go )? pretty good here. last week was a rough week for me but in the end it was good. i learned that i will be taking over as system administrator for the entire company. the guy that is in charge right now is getting married and moving ( shhhh, it is still a secret ) so i get to take over. this means more responsibility but that is a good thing. maybe one day i will get a ket to the building :) here is a basic rundown of my weekend:

friday - i thought i was going to throw up all thursday night so i slept on the couch. needles to say i felt terrible friday morning so i called in sick and used the day to nap, clean, and take a break from work. jac and luke came home friday night. it was really good to have the family back.

saturday - pretty much just chilled and took it easy. we did go to wal-mart so that was pretty exciting ( kidding )

sunday - once again we took it easy. sunday afternoon we went over to wall's apartment and watched the cards sweep the cubs. we ( i mean the team i go for, the cards ) won with a grandslam in the bottom of the 9th inning. it was so pretty. sunday night i had one of the crappiest dreams i have ever had. i had a dream that my dad had a heart attack on his birthday and died. i pretty much cried the entire time in my dream. talk about a rough way to start a monday morning.

great song

what a great song by dashboard confessional. if you ever get a chance to listen to i suggest you do.


Hands Down Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep. This air is blessed, you share with me. This night is wild, so calm and dull. These hearts they race from self-control. Your legs are smooth as they graze mine. We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst. To break or bury, or wear as jewelery. Which ever you prefer. The words are hushed lets not get busted, just lay entwined here undiscovered. Safe in here from all the stupid questions... "hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst. To break or bury, or wear as jewelery. Which ever you prefer. Hands down this is the best date I can ever remember. I'll always remember the sound of the stereo. The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair. That you twirled in your fingers. And the time on the clock when we realized it was so late. And the walk that we shared together. The streets were wet and the gate was locked. So I jumped it and let you in. And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist. And you kissed me like you meant it. And I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it. And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.

i am not stupid

i learned two things yesterday:

1) i should not try to think at 2am. my emotions get carried away and my brain starts thinking of all kinds of things that i don't need to be thinking about. i tend think of something and read more into it than what was there. i does this all the time but even more so at 2am.

2) i am not stupid. every person has strengths and weaknesses. i am not stupid because i don't read shakespear and i don't know every play. i am not stupid because i don't know complex math problems. i am not stupid because i can't comment on every conversation. i am not stupid because i don't know something. i might not be the smartest person but that doesn't mean i am stupid. i have a purpose and role in life. i am unique. i can make a possitive difference on others lives. i have realised that i think on of my gifts is trying to please people. to me, being able to make someone happy is better than knowing shakespear.

ps i am doing much better today thanks to a great friend.

second post at 2am

i don't post in a few days and now i am making two in a row in one night.

i just had a weird dream and now i feel kind of weird. i just can't seem to shake it.

music, doughnuts, and friends

monday night was great. it was a great time to hangout with friends and catch up with myself. we saw elliot smith, the goo goo dolls, and the counting crows ( the main band ). it felt really good to just lay their on the grass, with my eyes closed and feeling the music being played. when i was laying down i would look up and see the stars and my friends singing along. it was what i needed.

i learned something else about me there. i don't like having my picture taken. i am not that handsome and i don't think i photograph well. but what i learned is that i like the idea that someone wants to take my picture. i mean why do we take pictures? we take them so that we don't forget the good times we have, places we have been, and people we have met in our lives. we don't take pictures of people we don't like. so to me when someone takes my picture it means they like me. it means they want to remember me. i know this is goofy but when you have trouble with the concept of people actually liking you and wanting to be your friend, you take what you can get. i have been really blessed with the few great friends i have and i hope to carry these friendships out forever.

is there anybody out there?

hello? does anybody read this boring thing anymore? just curious. if you don't want to post you can always email me ( i think my email is somwhere on this blog ).

note to self #759744 : don't get your finger caught between a office chair ( more specifically the arm of the chair ) and the desk. if you do happen to do this, do not pull your finger away as fast as you can because it will hurt and you will loose a big chunck of skin and bleed all over

acoustic is your friend

today i found an amazing cover of outkast's hey ya ( http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=19066 ).

also today i needed to set up a computer with dual monitors but the only monitors we had were ones we had just ordered ( because we had to take the other ones for something else ). anyways....chris, my coworker, had said earlier that if those monitors get taken he will get mad ( i guess he thinks they are his ). and guess what? yup..i took them. he came in at about 12ish and it took him a good hour and a half to notice. i was on the phone with jac when all of a sudden i feel this buring sensation on my head. i look over and he is just giving me the evil eye, not saying a word. so i turn around and i tried not to laugh. i got off the phone and started talking to him like nothing was wrong. i even asked him a question, which i had to answer myself because he didn't say anything. so i walked away laughing. it is now 2:20 and he still hasn't said one word to me yet. i guess it doesn't help that i can't stop laughing about it.

cd = $16.99...baby falling asleep to the smashing pumpkins = priceless

during my morning web browsing, i ran across this: http://www.babyrockrecords.com/web/page.asp . they turn great bands into lullaby songs! i really think i need to order some of these. baby metallica, tool, smashing pumpkins, no doubt, radiohead, and pink floyd are my favorites.

on a completly different note, my neck hurts. i played a little ulitmate frisbee last night and i can tell you right now that i am out of shape. it was a lot of fun but i am paying for that fun now.

how is everyone else doing??

myspace....4 out of 10

so today at work i was told to make a myspace page ( for work, not me ). the link is http://www.myspace.com/bunchesofbooks and any suggestions to improve it would be great. also if you want to be a friend go for it. but overall i am not impressed with myspace. searching is a pain ( at least i haven't firgured out a good way yet ).

on a totally different note, i bought two cds in texas. i bought taking back sunday's (TBS ) first album and the early november's (EN) new one. i had bought the TBS cd a couple years ago but now i can't find it. i have been trying to find someone to burn me a copy but the response i usually get is , " my boyfriend has it and i will burn a copy...*next day*.... he is really insecure and jealous so i couldn't burn you a copy " or " who is that? ". so long story short, i found the cd in texas, listened to it a lot and now i am happy. the EN cd was kind of impulse. up in effingham i found the TBS cd but i also saw this one. i wanted a cd for the long trek down to texas and the EN cd is actually 3 cds for a total of 46 songs. the TBS cd is only 10 songs and i knew people wouldn't like it as much. soooo i bought the EN cd. it is amazing. the third cd is called the path and it tells a story. i love cds that tell stories. the other two cds are really good to. i am sure i will be posting lyrics soon. i hope everyone is doing ok. i hope to hear from you.

i wish i would have been there for this...

now if something like this would have happened while i was in san antonio, it would have been a great trip. plus i might have been able to steal a penguin and take it home with me.

Penguins corralled on highway after accident

Twenty-one penguins were rescued on a hot east Texas highway on Tuesday after a truck carrying the wildlife to a temporary home south of Houston overturned, said a state trooper.
Four penguins and some exotic fish were killed in the accident, including three penguins that were hit by passing motorists, said Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Richard Buchanan. "The rest of the penguins kind of stayed together in the ditch."
The truck, also carrying an octopus that was uninjured, was bound for Moody Gardens, a tourist destination in Galveston, an hour south of Houston, a resort spokeswoman said.
The wildlife was being transported to Texas from the Indianapolis Zoo while the zoo's ocean exhibit is being remodeled, said Jerri Hamacheck of Moody Gardens.
The trooper said it was the oddest traffic accident he had ever handled.
"We've worked several wrecks involving cows, horses, pigs, even fish, but this is the first where the live animals were penguins."
He said he was glad the accident was not worse.
"There was another truck full of snakes and alligators that was an hour ahead of them, so luckily we didn't have to deal with the alligators," Buchanan said.
The first truck arrived safely in Galveston by late afternoon, Hamacheck said.

back in murray...finally

after 46+ hours of driving, i am back in murray. jac, eric, krystal and myself all went down to texas last sunday ( june something ). we stayed for a full week ( just a tad to long ). we finally left around 5:30am on saturday and arrived back in st. louis ( that is where we met up with krystal and eric ) around 8pm ( thanks to my super fast driving skills ). so we stayed the night there and then drove back to good ol' murray sunday morning.

lets see...hmm...i fell like i have a ton to say but nothing is sounding right. i am sure i will post more later. i hope everyone had a good week.